On A Tale of Two Tinnies

A Note From his Editor to Mr Charles Dickens, Esq.

Mr Dickens,

Thank you for your submission to our serial. Please find enclosed a brief critique of the first line (!) of your new work. Please note that this has inspired us to rethink our policy of paying our contributors by the word. Brevity, they say, is the soul of wit Mr. Dickens. Good Morning.

A Tale of Two Tinnies

Hibiscus Sour – 5.4%

Alchemy Brewing

It was the best of sours, it was the worst of sours,

It was vibrant ruby-hued, it was delicately pink foamed,

Its head subsided rapidly, its head didn’t fade entirely,

It was tart with red berries, it was gently lactic like sour cream,

It was candied, it was acrid like fruit pith,

It was spanky fresh, it was old laundry on the nose and old cheese on the palate,

Its fizz was present, its fizz was gentle – in short, it was a beer worth canimaling up at the brewery and taking a half litre home for $8.50.

Instead, consider;

A Tale of Two Tinnies – are we married to this?

Hibiscus Sour – 5.4% – does it not have an actual name? Really?

Alchemy Brewing – this was bought direct from the brewery, yes? Canned off tap, not from the tank?

It was the best of sours, it was the worst of sours, – so… it was fine?

It was vibrant ruby-hued, it was delicately pink foamed, – it is indeed a beautiful colour

Its head subsided rapidly, its head didn’t fade entirely, – Stet

It was tart with red berries, it was gently lactic like sour cream, – is this psychosomatic? Is it an implied association or present?

It was candied, it was acrid like fruit pith, – try ‘pastille sweetness, lengthening acrid dryness, akin to citrus pith’

It was spanky fresh, it was old laundry on the nose and old cheese on the palate, – In a good way?! Try ‘A touch of funk on the nose, and present funk on the back of the palate; Bret?

Its fizz was present, its fizz was gentle – in short, it was a beer worth canimaling up at the brewery and taking a half litre home for $8.50. – Consider the second half of this line instead for the entirety of your next opening sentence.

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